Becoming - Michelle Obama. Book review? Maybe

First of, the only thing more iconic than the title is Michelle herself. Everyone knows that one word titles are the legendary; Cher, Bono. You think “Puff Daddy” reduced his name because of the obvious absurdity of the initial name?

I could spend pages and pages pouring over the life-like flow that the book takes, swinging from one mood to another smoothly and deliberately. We could spend hours discussing how seamlessly she wove her journey from childhood to adulthood, mixing it with colourful stories of her family, career path, love-life and motherhood while not once alienating the reader. She owned her story and rode her otherness with a fierceness that was uniquely hers. I use the word “otherness” loosely but protectively because most times than not her gender, skin colour, economic class, and even her role as the First Lady of America were uncommon in most rooms.

Here are 6 things I learnt:

Why everyone should read and write books.

From chapter one I felt this lesson and the more I read the more the feeling become cemented in my mind. People read books for entertainment and to learn. It’s always a delight to come across books that do both. Reading Becoming sold me on the idea that everyone should write their own stories and most definitely in their own style because diversity is important and everyone has a special type of diversity to share. Growing up, books much like television shows and movies, seemed to subscribe to a specific set of rules. Books of specific genres seemed to have the same tone and ideas. Self-publishing has changed that. Reading and writing books increases the chances of successfully getting a unified message across. When I was still in school, if I failed a subject my mother made sure I went for extra lessons with a different teacher in hopes that the same message delivered by someone else in a different way would make more sense to me. And that is fundamentally why it is important to read and write books.

Choosing a career you love.

This one has me nodding every time the theme came up and it comes up a lot in this book. Since I wrote a book that specifically tries to help kinds learn what career path they should follow based on their passions I especially connected with this topic. From her father who never missed a day from work to her own experience being at the receiving end of a teacher who was clearly not motivated to be an educated, even all the way up to her husband, Michelle carries the thread of a passion-driven career and the importance of it is laid out so clear. We are all cogs in a machine larger than our immediate surroundings. Your lack of passion trickles through everyone in contact with any part of that machine and the product is visible in weak links you might not even know about. Passion isn’t just figuring out what you’re good at, it’s finding what part of society you passionately want to change for the better. Most people who have a great paying job but feel empty are people who haven’t found how they can use what they have to develop something greater than themselves. Not only is staying in a job you aren’t passionate about dangerous for your mental health but it is also detrimental for the end product of the industry you’re in.

Creating a network of friends you can trust.

I read somewhere that friends are family that we choose. In this day and age the word friend is thrown around easily and mindlessly especially with social media. Taking the time to learn people you meet and figuring out if they align with your core values is important. When you’re at an impasse and you need some advice you need to turn to people who have your best interests at heart but at the same time they know your potential well enough to give you the confidence to take leaps. Learning about the people you meet with an open mind allows for you to place them in roles that are mutually beneficial for everyone’s growth and allows for your friendship to blossom through a natural environment of support and respect. This means that you can trust them to help you without malicious and you can rest assured that their advice is well-rounded. Especially when it comes to professional decisions, you can choose not to follow their advice and make your own decisions without the fear of offending them. Having a network of friends you can trust is essential for growth.

Sharing a life with someone who has a big vision.

This was an interesting one for me especially as I enter my 30s. Like I mentioned before, vision and passions are important to me and ensuring that the people I love find ways to fulfill their passions are very important to me, even if their passions are not the same as my own. Michelle and Barack’s relationship has always been of growth and improvement especially for other people. Their passions were similar but their methods were different. Barack’s method was one he firmly believed in and Michelle quickly learnt that he wouldn’t be just hers. Considering how long they’ve been together, it is clear that you can love someone with a huge vision and make it work and the answer isn’t always compromise. This leads me to the next point...

Adaptation over compromise.

When Will and Jada had their Red Table Talk episodes about their relationship, many people did not agree with them. They defined their relationship as a partnership and explored the notion that having differences in interests and plans could be resolved not through compromise but through adaptation. Will is an adventurous and outdoors type and Jada created a dream career in their house. Will gets to travel and fulfil his goals his way and Jada doesn’t tag along when she’d rather be at home still meeting her goals her own way. They both have the same vision but they have different methods. This is adaptation. Compromise is that once in a while Jada travels with her family and she actually enjoys it. The time to exercise adaptation instead of compromise is when one or both of you are sacrificing core parts of yourselves. If you don’t adapt to a situation but try to selfishly force a compromise you open yourselves to resentment.

Read books by our type of “First. Only. Different.”s

This cemented my goal for 2019 – to read books by people who were my type of people. When I read Becoming, I expected to be a fly on the wall. I didn’t think I’d relate to her or find common ground. I learnt that everyone has a story that would speak to a part of me and I owed that part of me a spotlight. I now have a hunger to know the stories about that person who first did something even if it’s something at a small school somewhere. Tell me the story of the person who felt alone in a sea and people they couldn’t relate to but they survived and realised that being different doesn’t kill. There’s a story like that in all of us and that’s what unifies us and makes us stronger.

Have you read Becoming Michelle Obama? What are your lessons from the book? Comment your favourite parts in the comment section below.