Why I don't want a relationship EVER!!!

This is a topic that’s going to irk a lot of people. For as long as I can remember I knew that my goal in love was not a wedding, and then eventually it became clear to me that I wanted nothing to do with the typical idea of a marriage. Growing up in a Christian household the thought was almost taboo, there were clear paths every relationship took and marriage was at the pinnacle of it all.

I’ve noticed the backlash that Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith get for exposing their partnership to the world. Their unwillingness to indulge the world in the usual platitudes of love have led people to wondering if they’re in an open-relationship or, more scandalous, could they be swingers. However, even after they clarified that their marriage had evolved into a partnership, most people can’t wrap their heads around it.

The problem for me was that something that could be re-enacted by a bunch of fifth-graders (and boy did my classmates play that series out) was something that seem stable. To think that I was meant to play that tune and dance with multiple guys until I found one who was willing to dance it with me for the rest of my life wasn’t enough. I need more than just connecting with someone and being able to follow a script. Relationships, it seems, are meaningful experiences that you can share with someone but they either die out or they turn into something more meaningful. The long line of exes behind me tells me the former is more common.

Most times than not, most people think that a marriage and a partnership are on the same level. A relationship is a building block for a partnership but a marriage is symbol of commitment because a lot of the time, without it people question you love. Relationships are clouded. There is always need to figure out feelings, sometimes not just your own. To prove your love in a relationship, milestones must be crossed. Meeting the parents, getting along with each other’s friends, and eventually getting married. When those milestones aren’t crossed or are not met with expected success, emotions start to flare. Relationships are extremely volatile and unstable.

Some people go so far as to find the lack of turbulent emotions worrying. Feelings that you get with you’re with someone are easily confused with love. Yearnings, butterflies in the stomach and even drunk confessions are exciting. When those start to get calm in one person, this is confused with disinterest. Most relationships seek pleasure in hopes. The hopes stem from trying to escape pain and sometimes loneliness. It’s only when couples have the difficult conversations to get to the root of the issues that relationships evolve into partnerships.

Here are reasons why partnerships are ideal but unobtainable:

COMMITMENT

As I mentioned before, the best way to express commitment in a relationship is through marriage, a lawful and public declaration of each other’s love. Relationships can be formed with almost any combination of people. The agreement is that they will find a way to remain committed to each other. Normally, the rules are prescribed through religion or upbringing (what they have seen around them). In a partnership commitment does not have to follow set rules from either people. Commitment is an everyday question that can be answered everyday in any form and the answer is always correct. There is no fear that slipping out from a usual routine will leave your loved one wondering if you’re still interested.

KNOW YOUR ROLE

This is a common and easy thing to determine for most couples, relationships usually come with expectations. These are not shared expectations as there are multiple experiences that form personal traits and ideologies. In relationships, each individual comes in with their imagined role and what they expect from their significant other. Whereas in partnerships, roles are slowly eased into with mutual respect and through understanding each other’s strengths. Furthermore, everyone is confident and content in the role they play.

ARGUMENTS

The previous point speaks about expectations. In most relationships when those expectations are not met, there is a major breakdown in the relationship. To avoid conflict sometimes couples express their displeasure through passive-aggressive behaviour. The responsibility of each other’s reactions, which are usually emotional, are blamed on the other person. Partnerships involve discussions rather than arguments. The fiery path to a partnership is through difficult conversations where unpleasant things are shared. The points raised may seem obvious to one person, while sounding ungrateful and unappreciative to the listener. A relationship that survives these discussions come out stronger. Having a counselor is usually a good way to maintain an amiccable environment when the topic is highly sensitive.

SHARED GOALS

Some people believe you can meet someone who shares the same ideas and goals with you and that makes any relationship flow smoothly. While that is definitely a plus, common goals don’t necessarily mean taking the same path. Relationships are built on people with shared goals and almost always the execution becomes the main issue. A partnership allows room for individual creative differences. Just because you share similar visions doesn’t mean that you have to create a single path to accomplish those goals, especially career-wise. Partners support each other’s goals career-wise.

GIVE AND TAKE

What’s love if you can’t depend on each other, right? The most adored relationships are those where people share personal possessions, social media and even acts of service. When someone is not readily giving access to any of these, that usually raises red flags. In partnerships, volunteering each other’s acts of service or goods without asking is a sign of lack of respect. There’s a difference between trust and sacrificing each other to activities that you know the other might not like but they’ll endure to prove devotion.

COMMUNICATION

People in relationships confuse talking continuously or checking in constantly as wholesome communication. The perfect form of communication is the ability to share thoughts and ideas that might be unconventional without fear of being judged. Sharing anything that comes to mind without filtering through what you know your significant other is open to is a great sign of partnership. This allows for couples to have the major discussions without fear of falling apart.

What's your take? Is a relationship the same as a partnership. What does marriage mean to you. Comment down below.